An online post about a man who told his brother's fiancée not to refer to herself as his children's "aunt" has sparked debate on Reddit.
In a post shared on Reddit's Am I The A****** (AITA) subforum, user WylinWylan, who has two kids, said his family were happy to see his younger brother, who had "bounced from fling to fling," get "serious about someone" when he met his now fiancée in 2020. "We'll call her Amber. (Fake name)," the user said.
However, according to the poster, "the thing that made us all dislike her" was that she would "constantly talk proudly" about how she turned the user's "spineless f***boy baby brother into a man," adding "I'll do what your mom couldn't and teach him to be a gentleman."
The user said: "And yes, she really has said that on more than one occasion."
A June 2021 study in the peer-reviewed journal Frontiers in Sociology said: "In-laws (relatives by marriage) are true kin because the descendants that they have in common make them 'vehicles' of one another's inclusive fitness.
"From this shared interest flows cooperation and mutual valuation: the good side of in-law relationships. But there is also a bad side.
"The main issues in conflict among marital relatives are different and diverse: fidelity and paternity, divorce and autonomy, and inclinations to invest in distinct natal kindreds. These conflicts can get ugly, even lethal," the study said.
The Reddit poster said one day Amber and his brother came over for his wife's birthday party. In front of his and his wife's family, Amber looked at his kids and said: "Oh it's my favorite niece and nephew!," before picking up his daughter. She added: "'Am I your favorite aunty?' in a baby voice..."
Taking his daughter out of Amber's hands, in "a calm but stern tone" the user told her: "You're not their aunt. So please don't refer to yourself as their aunt."
According to the poster, Amber seemed "taken back" and became defensive saying "I'm marrying your brother so I will be their aunt by marriage."
The user said: "I just shrugged and calmly responded that I didn't care if they got married, she could be Mrs. Amber or Amber, but she was not their aunt."
Is the Dad Overreacting in This Case?
Brianna Gaynor, a clinical psychologist and the director of the Peace of Mind Psychological Services in Atlanta, Georgia, told Newsweek: "Is this an overreaction? That is a matter of perspective. If the focus is on the fiancee's behavior, I can understand correcting her. However, if the focus is on the children, then that answer may change."
Regardless of a person's behavior, teaching children to be tolerant and kind is essential, the psychologist noted.
"While I understand the reason for the correction, I do not recommend doing it in front of the children. Instead, addressing why one does or does not want a relationship to be with their child is appropriate. Still, I recommend having this conversation in private."
"Being able to admit to what one could have done better to rectify a family relationship is sometimes more important than feelings. Feelings are notably important but they are not always the best marker," according to Gaynor.
In the case of the latest Reddit post, the family needs to "consider if the fiancée is here to stay and whether it is better to stand one's ground and impact a long-term relationship. Or be honest and respectful to maintain that connection," the psychologist said.
Fereshta Ramsey, a relationship educator at The Relationship School, told Newsweek: "In my experience, when people overreact, they are reacting to the past. In this case, I'm imagining that this woman did not speak up on other occasions and is now at her limit.
"Also, it sounds like the fiancée is unknowingly (hopefully?) creating boundary violations. If no one speaks up, their unspoken expectations will create resentment and then these moments of 'overreaction' will happen. Essentially, someone who marries your brother does become an aunt so I'd dig into the real reason why this person snapped at her," Ramsey added.
The latest post has divided users on Reddit.
In a comment that got 9,400 upvotes, ParsimoniousSalad said: "YTA [you're the a******]. You can dislike her and keep her away from your kids all you want, but she will in fact be their aunt."
However, user MaxSpringPuma argued: Ha no. If the parents don't want to give that label, she doesn't get it. She will be their uncle's wife. People's cultures and families are different, and labels are dished out differently," in a comment that got 7,900 upvotes.
In a comment that got 4,500 upvotes, user calihunlax wrote: "If she is a child's parent's sibling's spouse she is in fact an aunt."
In a comment that received 2,700 upvotes, user EmpadaDeAtum said: "Doesn't mean she's entitled to a relationship or to put her paws on someone's children without permission," adding "I didn't say she wasn't their aunt, I objected to her right to touch children she barely knows."
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of this case.
Do you have a similar family dilemma? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
");jQuery(this).remove()}) jQuery('.start-slider').owlCarousel({loop:!1,margin:10,nav:!0,items:1}).on('changed.owl.carousel',function(event){var currentItem=event.item.index;var totalItems=event.item.count;if(currentItem===0){jQuery('.owl-prev').addClass('disabled')}else{jQuery('.owl-prev').removeClass('disabled')} if(currentItem===totalItems-1){jQuery('.owl-next').addClass('disabled')}else{jQuery('.owl-next').removeClass('disabled')}})}})})
ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7r7HWrK6enZtjsLC5jp2YnWWSp7y1tMSrZJ%2BhkaOwprGMrKCsrJWneq2t1maYq5%2BlorKvwIyfmKahnK56pLvNn6Oim6RifniDj2xnbQ%3D%3D